Who I Am
by Chaotic Fantasy
Summary: Shadow vowed to put the past behind him. But what will it really take to finally let go?


**_Author's Notes; _**Well, this is my first time writing a Sonic the Hedgehog piece. And I wanted to try something different from my usual upbeat and light-hearted nature of fanfiction; then again, this is my first story on this site. I got inspired to do this after beating Shadow the Hedgehog for the first time. My favorite character is Sonic, although for storyline and history, Shadow definitely takes the cake for the best in story. This was going to be a simple prelude to a huge series of a Shadamy fanfiction, but motivation left me and my brain crashed. But I like how this one ends off on. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

**_Disclaimer; _**I do not hold any official authority over the characters of the Sonic franchise.Shadow the Hedgehog and all related trademarks belong to their respective owners at Sega.

* * *

The horizon; the once clear blue skies had all of faded into memory for the day, leaving behind a painting. A painting that was vivid yet soothing of colors. Yellow faded to orange. Orange faded to violet. Violet dipped into the rich navy. And soon, on the rim of the ocean surface, all faded to black. The sun would soon perish for the day; the celestial body of the moon would find its opportunity to watch over the children, the stars. There was no need for a shell to hear the melody of the ocean this time. Why not marvel and relish in the calm of waves for your own eyes and ears to perceive? The gulls in the distance, adding a further effect as they would occasionally sweep along the water's surface. Was it to cool off or for a failed attempt of a hunt? Who could really guess? To be put into shorter terms, time had seemed to cease, the sunset staying, lingering along the horizon for longer than anticipated. The waves clashing along the cliff side rang through his ears with a soothing clarity. It was beautiful. 

And Shadow was the sole witness.

A calm wind had blown, gently grasping a hold of jet-black spikes, highlighted with a crimson hue. And they danced along the breeze, ever so slightly. For how long he was standing there, along the cliff side, gazing out to a world beyond the deep blue, even he had lost track. One could have a tendency to do that, when one was conflicting with a minor joy…and the burdens of memories. Three long, quiet, and peaceful years had passed – despite an inner guilt that weighed heavily on his conscious. So long since the crimes he committed, and the crimes that he eventually atoned for. How many innocent lives did he claim in his blinded anger and corruption? How much damage had Black Doom inflicted in such a short time? And at first thought, what was Shadow's promise that he had failed to keep?

By all means, his final showdown with one of his 'fathers' so to speak, provoked a reawakening within him. Memories that were once cloudy – if not that at least scattered, were replenished. They quenched the hedgehog's thirst for the truth, but also made him come to regret it in the same instance. He had returned, so to speak. A once confused alien was now turned to a life in solitude. Gazing out to a seemingly endless body of water as the sun dipped lower and lower; the moon slowly rose from the opposite end of which the solar body came, Shadow's eyes of a flaring crimson-hue averted from this sight. No longer confused, but at a loss.

A pistol was held firmly in the black hedgehog's grasp, his finger idly resting on the trigger. No, he was not expecting any unwanted visitors. There wasn't even a single town around for miles. So why keep the gun? And the remembrance as to why he chose to let the bullets straggle with him granted a very soft yet solemn sigh to slip past his lips. He blinked once, taking a quick glance back down to the weapon in his grasp. His eyes kept there for a short while, watching the silver polishing of the barrel glimmer in the dying light. This happened a lot recently; Shadow was barraged with memories. Full grown men wailing out in immense pain, the bullets were flying, foreign creatures screeched and grunted off in the distance, and a menacing eye loomed over his being – watching him kill the humans and military, in cold uncaring blood. Why keep the gun?

_'A constant reminder of what I am…' _He sadly concluded, remembering his motives. _'Shadow the Hedgehog, the Ultimate Lifeform… turned a renegade to society thanks to my creator.' _

The ocean waves clashed along the cliff side once more, another seagull crying in the not too far off distance. Another sigh, followed by a very light groan of aggravation. The grip on the pistol tightened considerably, feeling the anger swell up from within himself. He himself knew, fortunately, that he wouldn't be one to lose control of this at a time like this right now. But than again …three years was a long time to think about this. And still, Shadow had yet to decide for himself, what he was truly willing to do. What was he supposed to do? How could he live free, liberated of the bounds of pains that he left in his wake? He couldn't just run away.

…could he?

He took a moment to ponder on this. And if the depression wasn't taking its toll on him so harshly, you would have most likely been deemed worthy of a smirk, at the thought of Sonic constantly running. That blue hedgehog ran all the live-long day, to escape his problems. But could Shadow run too? Could he escape into that world of freedom and peaceful days like his counterpart managed to achieve? Did the black alien have what it took to throw it all away and start anew? It was what she had asked of him as well, right?

He took another glance back down to the gun, before it managed to make it to his front side completely. Now he couldn't stop looking at it. It symbolized his inner hatred, his guilt, his pain, and his memories. His negativities that carried with him for so long. Past the danger and destruction, to have evil be diminished due to his efforts. Yet darkness claimed him still. As he continued to gaze at the cold, unforgiving steel, the familiar sensation of guilt overburdened his thoughts again. At some point, this damned scrap made by humans controlled his actions. Chaos controlled him, not the other way around. In other words, he was powerless to comprehend what had happened. The frown that marred his lips only deepened; another memory laid siege on his mind.

'_As you can see, the day of reckoning will soon be here. Find the seven chaos emeralds and bring them to me as promised' _Shadow, internally, felt more vulnerable than anything. He felt to be the victim to some sick and sadistic play to his memories. Who was that girl? His name that struck a chord as being the 'Ultimate Lifeform'? The ARK. Watching a vast world of a shade of blue from beyond the skies above. Where had he seen this all before? This was what his feeble mind could gather at the time. And it would seem that Black Doom knew just the perfect opportunity to allow corruption to seep in. It lead to an increasing hatred and contempt for the humans. While those that were unclear to be his allies attempted to make the most of their heroic attributes. It was a struggle for the hedgehog's trust, as the fate of the world seemed to weigh heavily on his shoulders. '_Why me?'_

And when the truth as revealed…everything changed.

The looming apocalypse claimed by the black alien soon seemed to be manifested into a bitter, cold, chaotic reality. But for every demon, there had to be some yin to the yang. And so, with a pure and clean conscious, Shadow the Hedgehog, had taken it upon himself to rise to the challenge. He would become the angel to Black Doom's demon, and unleash a righteous hell upon him. The battle had been won, and the world had eventually slipped into that same state of peace and prosperity that it once knew and loved.

But the most important aspect to this ordeal was to what the newfound hero had decided for himself. For Maria, the ARK, the professor. This was an epiphany that seemed to change his whole outlook on life. For the most part, he was created with a purpose. He was destined to follow orders, to carry out some sort of dramatic legacy that his makers laid out for him. Shadow would carry on through them, and live their life. That…was the chained-up hedgehog, so to speak. Despite it sounding somewhat harsh and cold, he thought of it like this. They were dead, he was alive. Nobody told Shadow what to do. So, let go of those past tensions that only provoked you to cry on the inside. They only made you weaker. He wanted to be stronger, for himself and for Maria. And to let go of his past and live his life the way **he** wanted would definitely be the first step. He would defy destiny for his own desires.

"I will be free; I will be who I want to be. I will listen to nobody and do as I decide." He had told himself this upon his realization. Three years had past.

And yet he still kept the gun.

A cold wind brewed and brushed along past him, sending an unwanted chill to surge down Shadow's spine. So it wasn't as easy as he had once thought it out to be. To let go, to throw it all away and start anew. Not too easy, even for himself. He felt so powerful for the longest while, until he had remembered the scrap of steel that lingered with him. It gripped to his heart with an iron fist. And silently, he could feel, as if it was talking to him. Begging him. Wishing for him to pull that trigger one last time. To let darkness and hatred flow through him and relieve himself of some of these bottled up pains. But no, to himself, Shadow shook his head lightly to rid himself of any thought like that. He escaped that life and intended to. But there was one thing he needed to do…

And with that, his most treasured, yet haunting memory came to mind again.

Leaning over a control system, the blood leaking over the circuits and giving the panel a fine shade of crimson; there she was. In pain, but instead, she was smiling. And there was himself, crying out to her, begging and praying that he could save her. But again, he was powerless. Only to listen to her very own words of encouragement. Her dying words to him. A promise that held much more meaning than anything that Black Doom could ever muster. That soul of pure darkness and hatred held no meaning to him anymore, and Maria had the power to keep a firm grasp to his conscious from here on out. His promise, her light, her memory silently being a guide through his life. He never really knew it, but she was with him all along. Maria was always there for him, to lead him to this very moment. This moment that would officially liberate him of his former duties…

The sun had dipped below the horizon by now, and the star-kissed night looked down upon Shadow's figure, the moonlight illuminating his features to create a pale effect to his tanned lips. Fiery crimson optics glimmered in the captivating light. The ocean, it seemed to die. The whistling of the wind had ceased too. Breathing, the sound of the waves clashing along the cliff side, everything. It all froze for that one moment.

…until the silence was shattered with a surprisingly loud clang. The clash of hatred along the base of the cliff below. The discarded pistol scattered along the harsh impact. And that would symbolize much more than just some individual throwing a gun away. That was his chaos, his cold-hearted hatred, contempt for all taken to the extreme, the negative memories. All of those seemed to be manifested into that scrap of steel. His light, his strength …his freedom. Shadow the Hedgehog smiled. For once, a genuine smile. Such a rarity and this could only lead to one thing. One final decision. He would never turn back.

Free, liberated of the past, defying his destiny, nobody telling him what was right and what was wrong.

"This is who I am."


End file.
